and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
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So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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