We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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