even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
