I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
