my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
