update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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