I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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