im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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