Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
