I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
