the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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