I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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