I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
