dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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