If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
