I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize