How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
