i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
