I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
