so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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