My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
