Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
