i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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