Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
