Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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