I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
