I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
