also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
