i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
