OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
