New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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