dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
