I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
