I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
