So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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