so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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