I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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