I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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