She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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