he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
