I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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