i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
