He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
