p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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