that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
