I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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