found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
