I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
