it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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