I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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