I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
