so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
