so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
