I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
