Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
