You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
