I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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