genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
