and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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