I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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